what i really want

i'm getting married in a little over a month and i'm really happy about it. most of all i am excited to start a family. i was on the phone with my older sister the other day talking about my fertility (or rather, my potential lack of fertility according to doctors). i told her how i took a marriage/health/sex ed. class at the health center at byu and how disappointed i was that so much seemed focused on birth control. and when i met with the nurses after the class they were shocked when i said i didn't want a prescription for it. when i said, "no," they said, "are you ready to have a baby???" as if i didn't know that that's a possibility when you don't take birth control. i replied, "yes, i want to have children as soon as possible." why is it that we always talk about family and then instantly prevent having one? i'm not saying i'm against birth control. not by any means. i just think that if we really trust in God, and we trust in the plan He has for our families, why would we try to take control of it with a pill right from the start?

i guess i think so passionately about it because i have been told by two rather esteemed doctors that i will likely have difficulty conceiving. this makes me rather emotional and actually leaves tears down my cheeks as i write. i don't think i've ever wanted children so much as when i did when i was told it might be hard to have them. i do understand that just because a doctor said there was a good possibility that this is my fate, doesn't make it certain. but it does make me value the blessing of children and treat discussion of them with more respect. and i am so grateful for gabriele and his desire to accept a child as a great blessing, whether one comes quickly or not so quickly. we have heard of a few couples who were "surprised" or "not expecting" or "not very happy" upon discovering they were pregnant and gabriele always said, "finding out you will have a child should always be a joyful occasion."

this is a topic that has been close to my heart for over a year now, and i can honestly say that i'm getting married because i want to start a family. this is my greatest desire and i trust that in the Lord's plan for me i will be able to do so, sooner than later.