musings

i realize, almost certainly, that no one really reads this blog. the great thing is, i don't really care. i don't mean that in the sense that if you are actually reading that i dismiss your time and consideration in venturing here. i just mean that i'm not disappointed if you don't.

i think. a lot. it's just something all humans do all the time, is it not? i probably think too much. sometimes that's a good thing and sometimes that just brings a great deal of stress.

recently i've been thinking a lot about what makes me happy. like for real. none of that fake "i wanna act like i'm happy so people think i'm really happy but i'm not and i just want them to admire me" happiness, but the real deal. something i learned on my mission was simplicity. oftentimes, less is more. and the more and more i think about that, the more and more i come to the conclusion that i want a simple life. no clutter, no unnecessary crap. just what i need. a modest home with whatever makes it comfortable. and i'm training myself to have what i need and what allows me to be genuinely happy and not what i think will make me happy. it's tough sometimes. i am a girl and i like nice things. one of the biggest tests was something that happened about a week ago. gabriele has wanted to buy me another, bigger ring. i love my ring but i was tempted to opt for a significantly larger stone. we had talked about it for a while and just when gabriele was going to buy it i said no. we always talked about how a ring means more than just a stone set in gold, it's a symbol. i knew that ring wouldn't make me love gabriele any more than i do now, and it really wouldn't make me any happier. so i said no, i don't need it. to be honest, i have been happier ever since. it's dumb things like this that often try to get in the way of what's important. the most important thing is love. family. the gospel. the things that go beyond this life. i am so grateful for love, family and the gospel in my life. i'd never change anything that has happened to me. i'm the person i am because of my experiences. and i feel lucky. blessed because i got what is best for me.